PART THREE: THE ARGUMENT
"'Men are Evil Criminals' is thundered across the media
And with every day that passes all you women are getting greedier!"
"How dare you make such vile accusations!
Us women fought hard for tiny concessions.
Filled with self-pity you men are all the same,
You lock us in the kitchen and then joke, 'it's just a game!'"
"There you go: Nag! Nag! Exactly like I said,
What is wrong with a married woman keeping her husband fed?"
"It's slavery and drudgery, it's dreary and it's dull,
You drive off in big flash cars while our reward is null!"
"What complete and utter nonsense and a pack of filthy lies,
Us men must work for all you women as you'd know if you'd open your eyes.
Most of the jobs we have to do are unpleasant and monotonous
And you are stealing away from us the few that are adventurous!"
"That's it! That's it! Shove us down the hole!
Not so very long ago a woman 'had no soul'!
If you had everything your way we would all be on the dole."
"Rubbish! That's poppycock, you know it's just not true,
Women have an important place, there's masses for you to do.
By stealing away our livelihoods, our professions and identities,
Not only are you robbing us but neglecting important duties!"
"Power, domination, fame and fortune is all you ever want,
You take us up the central aisle then leave us at the font!
You've no idea how hard it is for lonely women with kids,
You stand there glittering among the stars while we are on the skids;
We've been fighting for our rights since they built the pyramids!
Women must unite against you evil men to show you who is boss,
You must learn that without our help you'll suffer every kind of loss!"
"What you say is very unpleasant you blame us with such bile,
Can't you see that men love women but your hatred is quite vile?"
"Hate you? We would love you but you cause us so much pain!
All our efforts at keeping house have ended up in vain.
We slog from morning till late at night cleaning, cooking and mending,
Never a token of thanks do we get, you just go on offending!"
"'A woman's work is never done' is what once was commonly said
But today her work is never done 'cos she's always lying in bed!"
"How dare you!" she screamed at the top of her voice for she had been mortally wounded,
"Many a girl has married a man who with his lechery ruined it!"
"How can a man love any woman with a mind as black as yours?
All boys dream of romantic love but today there are only wh***s!"
At that the woman grew more enraged for he had gone too far,
He'd uttered the ultimate hypocrisy and she was eager to spar.
What, she demanded, did he imagine young girls dreamed at night?
Of foul-mouthed youths who leered and spat or a resplendent rescuing knight?
"With good little boys and good little girls everything would turn out "Right"
But where is the fun in playing by "The Rules" and always 'being polite'?
It's rough and tumble and life is a muddle with people all tangled up,
At the end of the day it's a roll in the hay and nobody wins any Cup."
"That's all very well for you to say for you just want to f**k,
But the poor little girl who is charmed and enamoured ends up cursing her 'Luck'.
You court and tease her until she swoons then vanish into the haze
While the innocent lass who carries your heir must hide from society's gaze."
"That's just not so, you're full of spite, it's the romantic lad who suffers:
His heart is torn, his mind's a storm, it's the girls who shun us Duffers.
She begets his child who suffers her lip and whom he never sees,
Yet she hounds him to the ends of the earth in order his money to seize.
If you were as 'equal' as you always make out you'd pay the Dad a rent -
Instead you deprive him of the child he loves and forever your hardships lament."
"Why are you shouting so belligerently at me in this way?
I came here to help you win her back and for you to make her stay!
I have no argument with you as you know perfectly well,
You have not even tried to make her return - it's time you went to Hell."
"What's the point? You think it's simple - there's something you should know:
For many a year I kept in touch and all she said was, 'no!'
"I have lived alone and poor while she's had others with whom to play,
She boasts she's married another man and now I have nought to say.
What can I do? The story is at an end;
I have written many letters that I dare not send."
The man paused, then turned and addressed the staff
Who continued their duties and tried not to laugh.
"Was it love or a lie?
Her heart or her thigh?
That captured my eye
And held me on high?
I saw her I wanted her we kissed and we danced,
For several weeks we shared a passionate romance.
I thought I'd forget her and go looking for more
But decided instead to keep in touch and explore -
What would happen if rather than disappearing
We remained good friends with letters endearing?
Sad to say the experiment failed,
Instead of happiness I became impaled.
Here I am many years later,
Miserably striving not to berate her."
The customers had departed, the protagonists were exhausted and alone,
He was about to ask the 'chivalrous question' by offering her a lift home
When at that moment the pub-door opened and the pair of them turned to look:
The lady who stood there returned their stare and exclaimed, "it's just like the book!"
The man's eyes were opening wider and wider and scarcely a word was he able to utter.
She walked smiling towards him as his antagonist watched him and he began to stutter,
But his stomach was churning, his cheeks were burning and he was all of a-flutter.
The woman with whom he had been arguing vehemently recognised immediately
The stranger here was his long lost love and now they were hugging affectionately.
While they embraced the man turned and looked at the barmen with a grin
But the lady who watched them knew right then that The Battle had yet to begin.