The Bright New Pants Manifesto FREEPOST Future Views Magazine <<   Previous     Next  >> Page 13
gold and brown bar

Rick & Euan (fail to) Save The World by Richard Whitehead
gold and brown bar


Euan Keith
Euan

Brenda E. Teufel
Brenda

Thomas Potte
"Tosh"

Eta Leufelia
Eta

Arthur "Arri" Soleman
"Arri"

Igvarts Loberman
Igvarts

Lotte Essendorf
Lotte

"Acey" Bates
"Acey"

Richard Whitehead
Rick

Future Views Magazine
LOGO FVM: Future Views Magazine



    ARTICLES    


University Fees button
University Fees and Debt
Who is the main beneficiary of university education, the student, the employer or the nation?



Infinity button
Infinity
Units of measurement and the end of space.



Euan Keith's      
Pollution Solution Part One button
Six Point Pollution Solution
Part One:   "Flowers In The City"
brighten our cities with many tiny garden?




Euan Keith's      
Pollution Solution Part Two button
Six Point Pollution Solution
Part Two: "The Transformation of Waste"
Instead of landfill, waste could be a valuable resource.



Atlantis Revisited button
Atlantis Reinvented
Hidden blueprints for the new cities of the sea.



Arabian Mights and Maybes button
Arabian Mights & Maybes
Plans for the future carefully copied by Brenda.



Arabian Might May Raise The Sea button
Arabian Might May Raise The Sea
Desalinated reverse rivers powered by nature



Unpublished Manuscript button
The Unpublished Manuscript
A hint as to what may lie in the future.



Planets Alive button
Planets Alive
A curious twist to the laws of perception.




Slop House button
The Slop House
an alternative to the traditional public house



You Are A Winner button
You Are A Winner
A willing victim is the best victim.



Prison For All button
Prison
Maybe our prisons are not as wonderful as all that.



University Fees and Debt button
The Bright New Pants Manifesto
The hilarious solution to invevitable change



University Fees and Debt button
The Hullabalo
A raging argument is discovered



   

  B  N  P:  

  THE  

  BRIGHT NEW PANTS  

  Manifesto  


My mate Euan, he knows lots of stuff, me, I keep my head in the sand and let the world take care of itself. The other day I got a card telling me to vote and I asked Euan to enlighten me about one of the parties.

 

“What does ‘BNP’ stand for?” I asked.

 

“Bright New Pants,” Euan replied without hesitation.

 

“What's their Manifesto?” I asked.

 

“Simple,” Euan said, “Britain for the British.”

 

“Ah,” I said, adding, “what do they mean by that?”

 

“Highland, Lowland, Pict, Celt, Scot, Gael, Briton, Welsh, Cornish, Irish, Anglo, Saxon, Friesian, German, Norman, Roman, Latin, Jew, Norse and Spanish.”

 

“Spanish?” I asked.

 

“A lot of people can trace their ancestry back to the shipwrecked survivors of the Spanish Armada, so, yes, Spanish.”

 

“What about the descendents of those who were brought against their will back in the 1700s?” I asked.

 

“They don't count, too recent,” Euan replied.

 

“You mean 1588 is the cut-off point?”

 

“Something like that.” Euan seemed to know his stuff.

 

“What about the descendents of those who were brought against their will before 1588?” I countered.

 

“They don't count either,” Euan grinned.

 

“Why ever not?” I frowned.

 

Euan shrugged, “pick ‘n’ mix, once they're in power they can make any rules they like.”

 

“With such multi-cultural diversity in our heritage, we ought to find a name for what truly defines, ‘British’,” I said.

 

“Quite,” said Euan, “how about: ‘HLPCSGBWCIASFGNRLJS’?” He cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Or, ‘HiLoPiCeScoGaBriWeCoIrAngSaFriGeNoRoLaJeSpa’?” I replied.

 

“Or,” Euan began, finger raised, “oh never mind.” He dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand. We laughed.

 

“Their manifesto?” I asked again.

 

“Ah yes,” Euan continued, “all British citizens, as defined above, will have their passports confiscated in order to ensure that our precious British stock remain where they belong.”

 

“Sure?” I asked, incredulous.

 

“Sure, it has to happen,” Euan asserted.

 

“Logical, I suppose,” I nodded.

 

“Passenger planes and ships transporting Britons abroad and bringing foreigners to our shores will be banned. Only UK registered freight vessels and vehicles will be allowed to transport goods,” Euan said.

 

“What about defence contracts involving the purchase of foreign-made instruments?” I asked.

 

“Cancelled,” said Euan, “too risky.”

 

“I see,” said I.

 

“All restaurants serving food other than porridge, neeps, tatties, kippers & haggis, leeks, Yorkshire pudding, Sunday roast or similar 'True Brit' dishes will be forcibly closed and their proprietors deported,” said Euan.

 

“Does that mean that anyone caught eating rice, Soya beans, maize, popcorn, curry, chilli powder, Sushi or spaghetti will be fined, jailed or deported too?” I asked.

 

“Absolutely, otherwise they will be accused of inconsistency,” said Euan. “Newsagents and grocers owned by non-Brits will likewise be shut down,” he continued.

 

“Who invented 'Fish ‘n’ Chips'?” I asked, “wasn't that brought in by the Italians?”

 

“Could be, if so, they're out, off the menu.” Euan looked serious.

 

“What about someone whose father is English with Scots and Irish ancestors but whose mother is German with French and Russian in the family tree?” I asked.

 

“Anyone who has parents or grandparents whose blood-line is less than 70%   'HiLo-PiCeSco-GaBriWe-CoIrAngSa-FriGeNo-RoLaJeSpa'  will be deported or ordered to wear a tag,” Euan said.

 

“Hang on a mo' though,” I said, ”Britain issued British passports to all subjects coming under British rule, including Indians, Chinese and, well, all sorts.”

 

“Pick ‘n’ mix,” Euan shrugged, “once in power, the entire population of Britain will be required to parade past the potentate who will choose, ‘In, in, out, in, out, in, out, out, out,’ and so on.”

 

“Shake it all about,” I smirked.

 

“Quite,” said Euan, “we're half way there already, look how we treated Hong Kong.” Euan smiled.

 

I pouted my lip, “we let them go to Australia where they gave the economy a much-needed boost.”

 

“They just want Britain to be British,” Euan spoke in a plaintive whine, shoulders and hands raised, “not some 200-language American vassal-state.”

 

“I met a Zulu who told me what I had already figured out for myself,” I countered, “that he was more British than me. He was brought up with the finest English Public School education and attended the best Scottish Private School while I am an Anglo-Germanic Scot who went to a multi-cultural, Austrian-Swiss-German school.”

 

Euan raised his glass, “I’ll drink to that,”  he said.

 

“The only feature that made him appear less British than me,” I continued, “was the accident of the pigment in his skin.”

 

“My Asian-looking friends from Glasgow and Edinburgh are the same,” said Euan.

 

“The most truly ‘Scottish’ member of our family,” I said, “is, by blood, half Nigerian.”

 

“The closer one looks at the question of nationality, the more nebulous and diffuse it becomes.”

 

“Then why,” I exclaimed, “all the fuss?”

 

Euan grinned, “new neighbours. Influx. Disruption.”

 

“Nothing to do with race or nationality?” I asked.

 

Euan shook his head and pursed his lips, “nope. Nothing, or at least, not much.”

 

I chuckled, “bad eye-candy,” I couldn't help but laugh.

 

“It doesn't matter where they're from,” Euan said, “when your cosy neighbourhood fills with strangers - our cosy neighbourhood - we feel disturbed and upset.”

 

I nodded, “once we get to know them,” Euan joined me, word for word we spoke together, “they are our friends”.

 

 

British Union Jack

 

  'HiLo-PiCeSco-GaBriWe-CoIrAngSa-FriGeNo-RoLaJeSpa' 

 

As we rose to leave I observed, “we could just stick with ‘United Kingdom’, I like the way it trips off the toungue” Euan nodded, “besides,” we both said: “we've got the best flag.”






A random selection
of national flags




Hungarian Flag





Swiss Flag





Welsh Dragon





Icelandic Flag





French Flag





Norwegian Flag





Geek Flag





Bulgarian Flag





Swedish Flag





Portuguese Flag





Scottish Saltire





Polish Flag





Irish Flag





Dutch Flag





Estonian Flag





Spanish Flag





Romanian Flag





Union Flag





Czech Flag





Finnish Flag





Luxembourgian Flag





Lithuanian Flag





Danish Flag





Austrian Flag





Maltese Flag





German Flag





Italian Flag





Latvian Flag





Belgian Flag





Slovakian Flag






- oOo -


LOGO FVM: Future Views Magazine

back to the top

gold and brown bar

Flickering Shadow Designs ONW: Opens in New Window

Flickering Shadow Designs

 

  Click Here  

 

Your lines, Madam

Your words, Sir

&

“Tam O’Banter”

Grumpyman's Luck on Ink Tip

“Grumpyman's Luck”

feature length screenplay

 

  See More

 

To win back a happiness lost takes more than the power of magic.

Listed on "Ink Tip"
the site for writers and producers.

Big Fat Slob - Chant Of The Tesekuzurian Hordes

Big Fat Slob

“Chant Of The Tesekesurian Hordes”

  LOOK  

 

“They conquered all before them”

Garden Shed music

CD ten tracks

A Box Of Frogs Logo

“A Box Of Frogs”

fifteen sketches & shorts

 

  See Ink Tip  


60 seconds to 30 mins

 

Prince Champagne, Casey Jones, Raquel & Quentin, Ashita Kikai



gold and brown bar

- oOo -

gold and brown bar

Knobbly Knees for Healthy Joints

 

“Knobbly Knees”

A Zing in your spring

A Bounce in your pounce

 

  BUY NOW 

           

Shop for all things to do with healthy joints and bones.

Dark Journey starring Tiffany Mulheron

 

“DARK JOURNEY”

with Tiffany Mulheron

 

    Read More    

 

A film by James White

           

closer to truth than you'd like to think

Dark Journey starring Tiffany Mulheron

    SEE    

 

“DARK JOURNEY”

 

Tiffany Mulheron excels herself



gold and brown bar

 

 

  © Future Views Magazine